Role-play.

As you may have guessed from previous posts, I often think about romantic relationships. I look forward to a time when I will be meeting my husband-to-be. Being recently single, obviously I am nowhere near ready for anything right now, but I often wonder what it will be like when I meet my husband, if that is God's will, and how God wants romantic relationships to be like. 

I wanted to write this post at this point in my life, from the position of being single with no interest in any other man and, as far as I know (!), no interest from any other man. I know myself; I am easily swept up in this whirlwind of what I think is love because I am flattered by the attentions of men, but by writing this now, when my judgement is not clouded by any man (although perhaps I will include helpful insights from the experience I have from the relationship with my ex), I can be clear with myself about what this future relationship should look like.

I think it is important to make the distinction between the role of men and women within marriage and their roles before marriage. I do genuinely think roles change when two people get married. Genesis 2v24 says: "...a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." Ideally, before a couple are married, it is understandable and correct that they should seek advice and security from their parents rather than from each other. For me, this also means that if I was going out with someone, my family would be my priority above the guy; however, once I was married, my priorities change and I become a new family with my husband and he is prioritised above my parents. So, the model of relationship that I will talk about from now on is my idea of what marriage will look like, and whilst a lot of this stuff can be displayed in a pre-marital relationship, not all of it can be expected until marriage.


Firstly, what is marriage? What is the point in marriage at all? I am still constantly surprised when watching films or talking to friends about the world's view on marriage. In this day and age, it seems that marriage is just viewed as 'the next step' of an existing relationship, or just a traditional thing to do, or even just an excuse to have a big wedding day party. I am so glad that marriage is so much more than that, otherwise there isn't much point getting married. Ephesians 5v32 says that marriage "is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one." We, the church, are the bride of Christ. In a marriage, the man is symbolic (but not the same as) Christ and the woman is symbolic of the church. Marriage is an amazing picture of how Christ loves us and our relationship with him now. By getting married, we glorify God and show his love to the world. Moreover, marriage is the (only...) place for sex where "two are united into one". God has given us sex as a gift to be enjoyed as it pleasures us and fulfills our sexual desires. I am looking forward to having sex one day as I've heard good reviews about it (ha!) and I know it is pleasing to God to have sex within a married relationship - to be intimate like that with someone who solely loves ME like I hope my husband will and who I love is going to be amazing. Obviously, this implies my views on sex outside of marriage - where I think the Bible is pretty clear that it's a no go. By bringing aspects of a married relationship into a pre-marital relationship, I can begin to see how marriage has lost its significance in our society today. I know that my "no sex outside of marriage" stance is very controversial in our world, but I stand by it as I believe this is biblical. However, of course, it is easy to get caught up in the moment - there have been many times when I've wanted to compromise my views on this and have sex before marriage. I can completely understand and relate to how people stumble with this - I'm so grateful that we serve a forgiving God - "Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all" (Psalm 65v3).

As a woman myself, I'm mainly going to look at the role of women in a married relationship. I know that there is a lot of controversy surrounding this as the Bible seems to be suggesting that women are not equal in a relationship. I would argue that the Bible does suggest that men and women ARE equal but they're not the same. I think again that our society has twisted the beauty of marriage as they promote that women are the same as men. Obviously I agree that women should be treated with the same respect and importance as men and are EQUAL, but I do not think we play the same roles in relationships. By contorting the essence of manhood and womanhood, society has made women more masculine and men more feminine. This is causing massive problems in relationships, as women's innate desires to be united with someone who displays the full characteristics of what it is to be a man and for men's innate desires to be united with someone who displays the full characteristics of what it is to be a woman are not being fulfilled. Husbands need to love their wives "just as Christ loved the church" (Ephesians 5v25). This means that men need to be willing to give up their lives for their wives. This may not present itself literally, but it certainly means that the husband should put his own needs second and put his wife's needs before his own. This is the controversial bit: wives need to submit to their husbands "as the church submits to Christ" (Ephesians 5v24). In a perfect relationship, I see the husband: adoring his wife, wanting to please her and do what's best for her, putting his own needs aside so that she receives what she needs first, protecting her from the storms of life - all of the things that Christ does for us. In doing this as well, it means that the husband will make the decisions in the relationship and thus, become the dominant figure. BUT: this obviously does not work when the husband does not fulfill his role of being the Christ-like husband. However, when he does, the decisions made will not be tyrannical or unloving towards his wife because his desire will be to do what is best for her. A wife must also love her husband and submit to his authority. Of course I agree that if the husband is not being Christ-like and is making decisions that harm the woman, or make her become disrespected, then the wife cannot be expected to submit to him. However, in a loving relationship, reflecting our relationship with Christ, wives must respect, submit and obey their husbands. This does not at all to me seem disrespectful to women.

In comparing the roles of men and women in relationships I actually think that men have a much harder role to play then women do. I am so excited to be in this kind of relationship with someone one day, unless God has called me to a life of singleness. If this is the case, I am content that Christ is already my husband! There is so much more I want to say about this but I will leave it here for now as I'm pretty hungry and need some lunch(!) but maybe I'll come back to this another time...

I will wait for you,

"I will wait for the Lord, more than the watchman waits for the morning." (Psalm 130 v 6)

http://theresurgence.com/2011/04/06/a-poem-for-all-single-people-pass-it-on

Memory Lane.

I've just been reading my diary from January 2010 (so when I was in first year at uni) and it's bringing up so many memories! It is also so interesting to read what my thoughts were and how I viewed life back then compared to now.

A lot has changed since January 2010, I feel like I've grown a lot spiritually, however there are still things (not good things) that take over my thought life. 

Why do I care so much about what people think of me? Why do I give in so easily to flirting with men? Why do I get so stressed out about exams? Why do I feel angry and irritated towards some people? 


Why do I just blabber on at God and not listen for His voice and wait for His Spirit to fill me?


Lord Jesus, here I am, your servant. 
I will go wherever you want me to go. 
I will do whatever you want me to do. 
I will say whatever you want me to say.
I surrender all to You.

I'm sorry that I will break these promises to you. Thank you that you will still love me anyway.  Undeservedly.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full into His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.