Behaviour.

Why do I do things the way I do? 

Why is it that I know what I need to do to feel better but I carry on doing the things that I know make me feel worse?

Stalking my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend on Facebook is not helpful. And it makes me feel rubbish. And causes me to think sinful thoughts. So surely you'd think I'd stop doing it? Yet, I get consumed by it - it's like an addiction. I compare myself with her, I wonder about all sorts of things that they'll be talking about/getting up to, I feel a selfish anger and bitterness about the whole thing.

In light of the news that my ex-boyfriend has moved on and found "my replacement", the best thing for me to do is to draw closer to God & lean on Him completely. He generousily invites me to cast all my anxieties onto Him, to give Him my burdens, to power on because HE gives me strength - only HE can restore me and He wants what is best for me - and yet, I shove it back in His face so that I can carry on doing the things that make me feel worse. Where is the sense in that?

I am a wretched fool. 



Lord, thank You that You still love me, even though I ignore You & the offer of the best life with You. I'm sorry that I'm so swayed by things of evil. Please keep me close to you. I want to walk in step with you every minute of every day. Change my heart. Give me strength. Oh, Lord, You are so merciful to me!